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Archived Players Notes This Players Note comes from Board member Patrick Smith and is a tale of technical difficulties I think every actor has a tale of malfunctioning wardrobe, set, and props and, for me, one sticks out in particular. The show was a comedy/farce/parody called The Real Inspector Hound out at Oak Grove Theater and I was playing Magnus (I think...if you've seen the play you could understand my confusion). This show was a technical test of fortitude for me. The Grove stage is outdoors in a beautiful setting and the audience is within spitting distance of the actors. If you haven't seen it you need to go ... but I digress. Because the stage is outside it is, naturally, uneven and bumpy but not bad unless you are playing a character in a wheelchair. I began every show in said wheelchair whose width barely cleared a door that I entered and exited more times than I could count. On top of that I usually had to fly through that door at a speed that altered the chairs ability to go in straight line. Each time I entered I went from standing start to bursting the door open in the space of four feet. Each time I exited I was usually flying with the determination my character required. Every time I approached the door I used every last bit of skill I had to pass through unscathed and it worked ... most of the time. But wait ... there's more. My character was in disguise and so I had a fake moustache, rather large and farcical, attached to my face for most of the play. Did I mention the Grove is outdoors? Did I mention the show was during high summer and in typical Virginia humidity? Did I mention I was wearing a costume of heavy fabric with a heavy robe over top? I perspired ... no ... I was sweating ... a lot. After trying several scientifically modern sticky concoctions and not one of them successfully keeping the fur on my face we resorted to good old fashioned spirit gum. Now, on top of the wheelchair, I had a chemically irritating slash of hair affixed below my nose and the constant smell of menthol that gave me Vicks flashbacks. The spirit gum worked pretty well for two nights and then, somehow, my body created it's own counter-chemical that, during the middle of the act, weakened the bonds between face and moustache. I felt it loosening. I managed, twice, to press it back without breaking character. The third time I felt one side going but couldn't catch it. I swung around to face Margo, a professional and seasoned actor, who was playing Cynthia and I saw her snicker. I said my line. She said hers. The audience snickered. Luckily, I had an exit shortly thereafter and was able to plaster on enough fresh spirit gum to keep it on. Unfortunately, I put on so much that when I had to do my 'reveal' and pull it off it felt like most of my lip went with it. Just five more nights ... I said to nobody in particular. But wait ... there's more. I had a gun. Well ... my character had a gun. What I had was the most recalcitrant starter pistol I ever had the displeasure of using. Let me tell you another little detail of the Grove stage. It is relatively small as stages go. Perfect for the setting and rarely a problem but it only has so much square footage when your nemesis is charging you. Shortly after my reveal Todd, who was playing Moon, started his charge towards me and I, with gun already pointed, pulled the trigger. click. Knowing from previous nights the gun was acting up I rapidly pulled again. click. Todd, instead of charging directly at me, zigged. I zigged with him and pulled and trigger. click. He zagged. click. Zig. click. He, yet another veteran actor/writer/producer/director, was trying not to laugh. Zag. click.click.click. Todd zigged again and in a leap of desperation I took a full breath and shouted BANG at the top of my lungs. Todd fell to ground and being the pro that he is he managed to do so in the exact spot in which he was supposed to land. The audience roared and eventually we moved on but not before I looked over at Todd's "dead" body and saw it spasm in fits of laughter. After that night the pistols got fixed ... mostly ... and I wouldn't have traded a minute of it. I wouldn't trade a minute of my time on stage or the many people I spend my time with during a show. Patrick Smith
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